• Harlan the Hobo
  • Flaming Fred
  • Conservative Connie
  • Badass Baby

Harlan the Hobo

It comes in flashbacks, nightmares and visions, Harlan is a boy with only glimpses of his origin. He knows he has a past but it's disordered and chaotic, like a haunting. He is trying to put his past back together: where have I been? Where do I come from? How did I get here? Harlan travels from place to place seeking answers to the questions of his life. And as he seeks, he can't escape a compulsion that burns deep inside. An obligation that feels transcendent and omnipresent, for no matter where he is, this 11 year old's burning mission is the protection of children. He has experienced firsthand how children are exploited, and used as props to advance the system's larger agenda. This system got Harlan, but by God they will not get anyone else. With each stop on his journey, Harlan learns more about himself and the origins of his haunting. He discovers that his horror may actually be his greatest weapon in the war to liberate children from the tyranny of the puppet masters. As Harlan stays on the move, he always feels the breath of the system on his tail, always lurking, always watching.

Flaming Fred

Fred was born into activism, literally. His mother gave birth to him while she was marching in a women's Lib parade. If there was a cause, then Fred was at the front line with his fist in the air. Fred lived by the rule of the two P's: Protesting & Partying. In fact, he founded the Protest Party so he could do both at the same time. Fred has protested everything. He once led a protest to protest protesting. He just thought there was too much protesting and change needed to happen. Fred was late to a march in the town of Nostalgia, when he saw a fabulously dressed woman passed out in her front yard and an old man yelling for help. He ran over to see the woman had been bit by a poisonous snake. Having led a protest for snakes rights once upon a time he learned all about how to suck and spit that poison out. As soon as he finished dispatching the last bit of venom from the woman's veins, he was off to the march. A few months later, the woman, Conservative Connie, tracked him down as he was trying to take the fireman's ball to a whole other level of party. Connie wanted to thank him for his help. He realized that he knew Connie, not just from the venom suck and spit session, but from the front lines. Oh, no the woman he saved was the woman who was on the other side of his protests! She was the infamous mayor of Nostalgia! Fred protested her right there on the spot. Connie then realized the man who saved her was her nemesis the Chairman of the two P's. As the two of them shared a jail cell that evening for the ensuing bar brawl they started, Fred realized that he and Connie shared more than he thought. He actually liked her, but how? Just like Connie, he is figuring that out.

Conservative Connie

Born and raised in a small town called Nostalgia where things were always perfect even when they weren't, Connie from a very young age made it her mission to keep the town Nostalgia just the way it had always been. With the combination of sassy style and an unstoppable passion for Nostalgia, Connie is a force to be reckoned with. Connie's father was a traveling faith healer who rode from town to town curing the sick and the crazy with a hand full of faith testing rattlers. You were either going to be killed or cleansed! And Connie's mother was quite the fashionista who believed that a lady should always look good even while fighting evil. With Connie's combination of talents, she rode the ranks until she finally became the Mayor of Nostalgia. She had big plans for growing and preserving her perfect town and had a lot of friends ready to help. One day while helping her now elderly father feed his faith vipers in the front yard, Connie got double fanged on her arm. This viper was a veteran and knew how to deliver a full load of venom. Connie began to pass out as her father yelled for more able bodied help. When Connie awoke in the hospital her father told her that the only reason she was alive was a mysterious mustached man with a strange voice ran to her aide and sucked out Connie's poison. Connie's father said "The Mustached man kept saying how fabulous your outfit was and no one with style that good was dying on his watch". After Connie recovered, she tracked that mustached man across the country to a place that both shocked and horrified her, a place far different from Nostalgia. She finally found Flaming Fred dancing on a table at the Fireman's ball. After a long night and some ups and downs the two became loyal friends. But while she now loved Flaming Fred, she still did love Nostalgia. She is still figuring out how to love them both.

Badass Baby

Some say a superior alien race with the ability to travel through time, collected the DNA of the Baddest Ass people in human history in an effort to find our human weakness so colonization would be more efficient. Unfortunately for the Aliens they did not show proper respect while experimenting with this Bad Ass DNA and ended up creating the first Baby in the Bad Ass bloodline. The aliens quickly found out they had made a perilous mistake, hence the reason humans still rule the earth. Others say that the first Bad Ass was sent down from the heavens on a bolt of lightning to prevent a war between the Shang Dynasty and the Egyptian Empire in 1240 BC. Blood wasn't on God's menu that day. While we don't know exactly where Bad Ass Baby comes from, we do know he is Bad Ass. Each night as Baby sits down with a sippy cup of heavy whipping cream, he pontificates about the lying liars advancing their fear agenda to the people. Nothing drives Baby more than exposing those who are trying to scare you into a life of dependency and needless worry. No matter the lie, Bad Ass Baby's mission is to help you stay strong and help you stay free! Big things often come in small packages.